Scarred
by Avatar Korra
Summary: He scarred her heart. Betrayed her trust. What once bloomed between them is broken. Is it any wonder that Mai is the way she is? Zuko x Mai oneshot.


Scarred

She couldn't remember the first time she saw him.

He was simply there, melded into the palace life that she, too, became a part of when she befriended Princess Azula. It was natural to see him walking casually by the courtyard while she played with her friends, natural to see him seated at the table when she joined Azula for dinner. She took his presence for granted.

But then something changed. A feeling she had never experienced before arose whenever he came near her. The feeling brought a blush to the young girl's pale cheeks; it made her notice his deep amber eyes. She wanted those eyes to look at her, but at the same time she was afraid to meet their gaze. Mai didn't know what was happening to her.

Prince Zuko hated his sister. He knew siblings were expected to love each other like the family they were, but he saw no reason to love this sadistic tormentor who showed nothing but disdain for him. In fact, sometimes it seemed to the young boy that disdain was all anyone ever felt for him. Zuko didn't know what he had done to deserve this treatment, but he came to accept it as his lot in life. Needless to say, he did not have a happy childhood.

His sister seemed happy enough, always practicing cartwheels and playing games with her little friends. How ironic it was that the cruel should have friends while he sat alone, training or doing schoolwork. Consequently, Zuko associated Tai Li and Mai with the person they were always with: Azula. He hated them just as much as his sister; they were always in on the little pranks she pulled on him. But, while he hated to admit it to himself, he was jealous of them. He didn't have any close friends because it was ingrained in his young mind that no one would ever want to be his friend. Ozai had taught him well.

The time spent with Azula and Tai Li became the high point of Mai's day. Not only was there a chance that she would see Zuko, it was a relief to be away from the Fire Nation Academy for Girls, and a relief to be away from her parents. Her mother was a schemer, always trying to climb the social ladder and sometimes forgetting her daughter in the process, and though he tried to hide it, she knew her father was disappointed in her. Disappointed that she had not been a boy and disappointed that she was not a firebender, two things that were beyond her control.

That day after her weaponry training was one of the most memorable of Mai's life. It had been only a few weeks since Princess Ursa had fled the Fire Nation and Prince Ozai became Fire Lord in a startling upset. Later, upon recalling this memory, she didn't know why she decided to take the shortcut through the garden. She only remembered seeing Zuko, his back turned to her as he leaned against a tree and … was he crying?

Zuko didn't protest as Mai sat down near him. He was beyond caring if anyone saw him this way, beyond caring if she told Azula. After all, no one cared for him. He thought his mother had, but she had abandoned him. She had betrayed him. Uncle used to care about him, but he was no longer the same. He had lost his throne, his honor, and his son. Zuko wanted to remind him that he had not yet lost his nephew, but he was afraid to find out if even that still mattered to Iroh.

His father didn't give a damn about him, he never had and he never would. Zuko winced as he remembered the training session he had completed just moments earlier. He had failed his father's bending tests miserably, and Ozai was not going to let him forget it. This after everything that had been happening over the past few weeks. Zuko felt as though he was being pushed over the edge, and he was wondering if he should let go.

Mai chose her words carefully. She had witnessed his failure at the training grounds, and strangely, she knew how he felt. The inability to fulfill expectations was a part of her life, too. Looking back, she didn't even remember what she said to him. It was her one chance to make an impression, a prospect that scared and excited her at the same time.

Zuko listened half-heartedly to Mai. She spoke soothingly and compassionately, but he was certain she had a hidden agenda; Azula always did. But then he remembered that she wasn't Azula. She was Mai; a serious, thoughtful girl, from what he had seen. And she was taking the time to talk to him, even comfort him. Stranger still, it was working.

"I know how it is, Zuko," she said cautiously. She couldn't afford to lose him now. "He makes you think that… that he deserves better than you. But you have to remember that you deserve better, too." Zuko looked up and met her steely gaze with his tear-reddened eyes. She spoke so earnestly, sincerely. He didn't know what to say in return.

No words were necessary. Mai could see in his eyes everything that he ever wanted to say.

Their friendship from that day forward was as unique as friendships come. It was kept secret by unspoken consent; neither of them wanted to think about what would happen if Azula ever found out. But it was only friendship, nothing more. Mai would rather have Zuko that way than not at all. However, Zuko was changing. It was destined to happen; as he grew older, he began to think more and more about Mai. His confidant. The one who cared about him. Soon he cared about her, too, but as more than a friend.

The Fire Festival that year was to be one of the most grandiose ever held. More vendors, better shows, and brighter fireworks were all scheduled to entertain the festivalgoers. Zuko was thirteen; Mai was twelve. They joined in the festivities together and anonymously, thanks to their traditional masks. To cap off the day came the pride of the Fire Nation, the fireworks exhibition.

Sitting with Zuko on a grassy hill, the night sky ablaze with color, it was all Mai had ever wanted. She felt content, satisfied with her life for once. Zuko wasn't watching the fireworks in the sky. He saw them instead reflected in Mai's upwardly gazing grey eyes, saw them light up her porcelain face, a rare smile on her lips. He could not stop himself. That night Zuko and Mai shared their first kiss, and their friendship evolved into something deeper and more beautiful than ever before.

Perhaps it was Zuko's curse, to have all happiness robbed of him and to spend his life in anguish. Because only mere months later, Mai watched in horror as her love was mercilessly burned by his own father in the fateful Agni Kai. Unable to speak, to scream, to cry, she only wanted to go to him.

Zuko thought of many things in the moments after his Agni Kai. He wondered what he had ever done wrong. He realized that this kind of defeat could only mean banishment from his home. He felt shame, shame so heavy and overpowering that he wanted it to drive him into the ground. Shame that his country saw him so weak, that Mai had seen him so weak. Would he ever see her again? Did he want to see her again? Did he want to face her? He was supposed to be strong for her, and not only had he fallen in disgrace, he would no longer be in the Fire Nation with her.

Suddenly his own inner desire to be strong and independent took over, a desire he no doubt developed after trying so hard to appear that way for his father. He felt nothing but contempt for Mai, the symbol of his dependence on others. He never wanted to see her face again, the face that reminded him of how he needed others, the face that reminded him of what could have been.

Mai rushed to the medical ward, tears in her eyes, blurring the reality all around her. She found Zuko in a private room, lying helpless and bandaged on a futon. She swallowed. "Zuko," she whispered as she knelt beside him.

Zuko came out of his reverie and turned away from her. "What do you want?" he asked gruffly.

"I…I… wanted to see you," Mai choked back tears.

"What makes you think I would want to see you?" he demanded.

Mai was shocked. "Because… w-why wouldn't you?"

"Maybe I don't want to see anyone right now. Maybe I don't want to see anyone ever again." Maybe I don't want you to see me like this, he added silently.

Mai could not believe her Zuko was speaking to her this way. "D-don't you love m-me?" she stuttered through her tears.

Zuko just wanted her to leave. He didn't want to face the reality that he would be facing life without her from then on. Maybe if he told her he didn't love her, he would believe it, and maybe then he wouldn't hurt anymore. God, he just didn't want to hurt anymore. "No." he stated.

That single word scarred the rest of Mai's life. She had let someone in, showed him what she was like beneath her steely nature, and he betrayed her. She gave so much of herself, and for what? Zuko didn't love her anymore, if he had even loved her in the first place. She wasn't sure of anything anymore, except the fact that she would never let her feelings get the best of her ever again. It wasn't worth it; the pain was too great. Mai would never again show her feelings, because if she could not trust Zuko with them, she could never trust anyone.

Mai rose in tear-streaked disbelief to her feet. She gasped for words, but none came. She retreated into herself, never wanting to come out again. Just before she left him, she spoke.

"Please don't forget me, Zuko. Don't ever forget me."

Years later, he hadn't.


End file.
